Forgiveness
by Shin Sankai
Summary: A different take on when Alec was possessed, having accidentally killed Jocelyn and the emotions he goes through and the very warlock(s) who are at his side. Malec (and a side of the adorable Madzie too).


**Forgiveness**

**By: Shin Sankai**

Author's Notes: So whilst I get my head around working up the next chapter on 'Help Wanted' and just what I'm going to place in it, I figured, hey, why not throw up one of my other stories whilst my creative juices have stalled a little. I'm sure it'll help get it all flowing again. This is one of the stories I've been dabbling at for months and months now. It is a different take, and an expansion on, when Alec accidentally was possessed and killed Jocelyn. I've warped it around to my liking, as per usual, and also warped the mourning ceremony and of course thrown more Malec into it too and even bits about Ragnor's passing and Alec and Magnus going away for a tiny bit and also throwing in Madzie as well. And yes, I have switched Alec's eyes to blue, so fair warning. I hope someone gives it a chance.

#

To Forgive and to Forgive Thyself...

#

Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn had already heard word of the horrible demon attack at the Institute. The downworlder gossip train was in full swing after all. At first he didn't think much of it, mainly because demon attacks were nothing new and especially on the Institute's doorstep.

Then there was the fact he never received a fire message requesting his help either and then there was the major factor of why it didn't ring alarm bells for Magnus: he had every faith in the current Head of the Institute's skills.

So yes, Magnus continued on with his job as High Warlock, having to make one of the biggest decisions of his life which he didn't want to think about and then thankfully he was asked to portal to Italy and attend some business there.

His mind couldn't linger on imprisoning Camille for long as he dealt with a few warlock issues there that needed sorting out since he was one of the oldest High Warlock's still alive today and his expertise was needed. It hadn't taken long, almost not long enough for Magnus as he returned to his apartment, his deep brown eyes shifting over to where he had caged the vampire in his home, but quickly shook his head as he had a lot of work to do.

The ever growing backlog of potions that various downworlders were asking him to create wasn't going to dwindle any time soon if he didn't start working on it now and so, in order to try and forget his own issues that had been playing out today, Magnus set to work on the first one.

Not that it took long for another fire message to reach him, this one from his dear Sweet Boy, Raphael Santiago. The current Head of the New York Vampire Clan was informing him of the attack on the Institute as well. Magnus was about to let the message go, to watch it burst into flames when something else caught his eye and made his heart immediately constrict in his chest.

Alexander had been directly involved in the demonic attack and things had not gone smoothly for him at all! He'd been hurt!

The ever growing list of potions Magnus had came to a grinding halt as he allowed the message to disintegrate and usually his ever cool and calm self would portal on over to the Institute and see what was going on, see if he could assist in any way possible. Right now though, Magnus felt sick with worry, his rationale side missing for several long moments as he fumbled around for where he last placed his phone, quickly swiping it up as he was scrolling for Alec's number when another lit up the screen instead. Jace Herondale.

"Golden boy," Magnus answered politely.

"Have you heard?" His voice seemed rather strained and also a little quiet too. That was not the normal Jace at all.

"About the attack? Yes indeed. The downworlder grapevine is spreading the word fast. I'm trying to get it contained as with your Institute damaged, you don't need another uprising or two whilst you take the time to rebuild."

"Magnus..."

"I can also send Catarina a fire message and get her to meet me there. She can assist in healing any injured shadowhunters whilst I take the time to fortify the wards."

"Who cares about that!" Magnus stopped then, feeling something begin to build in the pit of his stomach. It almost tasted like dread. "I'm calling about Alec. Is he there with you?"

"Alec? Here? No, should he be?"

"So you haven't truly heard what happened to him then." Jace let out a massive sigh.

"Jace, what happened?" Magnus was pacing his study as Jace went on to tell him that Izzy had been possessed but was recovering well, but he was insanely worried about Alec. Turns out, his sweet shadowhunter had disappeared! Relief flooded Magnus immediately when Jace stated their parabatai bond was still intact.

Magnus thought it odd that Alec, the ever protective big brother was not currently at Izzy's side but felt his heart hammer away and panic was quick to rear its ugly head in the pit of his stomach as Jace told him what had really gone down at the Institute today. What the downworlder grapevine failed to give him hours ago!

Alec had been possessed.

The very thought made Magnus' blood run cold as he listened on at the horrible ordeal the pretty blue eyed shadowhunter endured, having killed with his own bare hands and not even being lucid in the process! And his dear Alexander hadn't killed just anyone. He had killed Jocelyn Fairchild! And whilst his mind would have been reeling with that, Isabelle had then been possessed and was trying to kill him and Clary!

"I'll send out some fire messages to my warlocks, to keep a look out for Alexander. Once I know something, I'll let you know."

"Thanks Magnus." Jace seemed beyond tired and of course worried for his brother and parabatai.

Magnus ended the call, pocketing his phone and then began to pace once more, in his living room this time though. He shot off various fire messages for his warlocks to keep an eye out for an injured and wandering shadowhunter and to let him know immediately of said shadowhunters features, explaining he was looking for one with dark hair, blue eyes and pale skin and if any matched those descriptions then they were to immediately alert him of their whereabouts.

Once that was done, Magnus let out a sigh. He thought his day had spiralled downhill, but his dear shadowhunter took the cake on that one.

Today was certainly full of shocking news and hard decisions to make, for the both of them. After all, he'd handed over Camille, his on again-off again lover from over a century ago, and Alexander had accidentally killed a defenceless ex-shadowhunter.

The High Warlock of Brooklyn was contemplating what to do, should he use something of Alec's which was in his home, since the young shadowhunter spent more and more time with him here of an evening, and try and track him down, make sure he was alright or...

A pair of curious and warm brown eyes shifted at movement coming from outside, near his balcony and cautiously he headed to the side, opening up the side glass door and found a dark figure sitting on the fire escape stairs, slightly hunched and leaning against the cold metal, eyes closed to the world bustling about them. As Magnus drew closer, the pale light finally illuminating his rather unexpected visitor, but it had Magnus sighing in relief.

His shadowhunter had come to him after all.

"Hey," Magnus didn't really know what to say.

"I guess you've heard?" Came Alec's soft rumbling voice.

"Jace called me."

"Of course he did."

"He's worried about you. As are a lot of people I'm sure." Magnus had never felt more helpless then he did right now. Centuries old and he wasn't sure what he should do right now. "Jace is with Izzy right now, watching over her as she's recovers well in the infirmary." Magnus watched Alec nod his head, those tired blue eyes, which lacked there usual spark, shifted to gaze up at him.

"I heard you turned over Camille. How'd that feel?" Alec almost felt guilty when the words slipped out of his mouth and the instant pained expression on Magnus' face flashed for a single moment.

"It was...awful." Magnus shifted uncomfortably. It was hardly the time to bring up stuff like this! "We've a lot of history together, her and I." He gulped as he wasn't sure why his mouth was running away with itself. "Sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry." Brown eyes focused all over the slouched Head of the Institute and then locked onto Alec's slightly clenched hands.

"Alexander..." At the whisper of his full name, the name the shadowhunter never allowed anyone to call him, Alec felt a pleasant shiver ripple down his spine. Only this man, this oh so beautiful warlock, was allowed to call him that. Magnus took a couple steps forward, not even shying away from the dry blood on Alec's hands as he took hold of them, giving them a tiny squeeze before drawing him quietly into his home. Alec always felt the weight of the world on his shoulders disappear in seconds when he entered Magnus' apartment. The warlocks very home was his sanctuary. However, this evening, it wasn't working for him and he hated it. "Please, let me..." Magnus didn't even finish as Alec watched his pretty blue magic light up his fingertips and then the warmth and electric feel of Magnus' power engulfed his hands, cracked bones mending, scratches and bruises disappearing and dry blood vanishing. His pale skilled hands were back to normal, but Alec could still 'see' the blood on them. Jocelyn's blood.

"I know this is the worst question to ask, but how are you feeling since...?" Magnus died off, not needing to bring the incident any further to the forefront as it already was glaringly there.

"I'm fine." Magnus frowned at the instant response. He took in everything that Alec currently was, a very wound up young man ready to snap.

"No, you're not." Pretty blue eyes, still lifeless right now, shifted to look up at him as they were now sitting on the couch together. "You're hurting Alexander. And its alright to feel that way."

"What about you?"

"Me?"

"She... Jocelyn was your friend."

"She was."

"Don't you... Don't you...hate me?" Magnus sucked in a deep breath, wanting desperately to hug this young man who was trying with all his might to remain strong and stubborn and tough in front of me.

"And if I did?" The single moment of fear that flashed in those eyes was all Magnus needed as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against Alec's forehead, trying to offer comfort. "I don't hate you Alexander." He watched the younger man's shoulders ease at his words sunk in for a moment. "All I want to do is help you." Magnus continued on, lifting his hands to brush them up and down Alec's arms soothingly. "Whatever you need, I'm here." Magnus was not expecting the slight bewildered chuckle to break the silence and tension in his home.

"You're amazing Magnus." The warlock was all for praises, especially when they were rare from the stubborn Head of the New York Institute.

"I have my moments."

"And I'm despicable."

"Alexander..."

"Here you are consoling me and not once have I offered my condolences to you."

"About?"

"Well... Jocelyn, because she was your friend, but what about...Ragnor Fell?" Alec watched something flash across Magnus' eyes. "I read the report awhile ago, but seriously, it hasn't been that long since that incident happened and now...now you've lost someone else you knew too. In such a short period of time."

"I guess so..." Magnus softly whispered. So much had been going on lately that he really hadn't had the time to think about Ragnor a lot these days.

"Ragnor... He was your friend was he not?"

"He was...is...will always be...my oldest and dearest friend." Magnus softly confessed. "Throughout all my centuries, he knew me best."

"I'm sorry."

"Alexander..." Magnus pressed his lips to Alec's forehead once again. He wasn't looking for condolences for his dear friend, though having those words spoken to him from the lovely shadowhunter in front of him meant more then anything in the world to Magnus. He bet even his dear old friend would have been chuffed, if not a little perplexed, at having a shadowhunter offering their condolences about his passing. Alec was truly one of a kind.

"I'd like to...show my respects...if...if that is alright?" That is not what Magnus had been expecting at all as he shifted back, quietly eyeing the nephilim in front of him.

"Shouldn't you at least..."

"Please Magnus?" Magnus was no idiot to hear the desperation there. "Let me do this. It might...help me...maybe?" Those apprehensive blue eyes shifted away from his quiet stare, Alec probably thinking he was asking too much of him, which was silly since Magnus had come to realise, rather quickly he might add, that he would do anything and everything for this shadowhunter.

"Alright, but only if you are certain."

"I am." Magnus took a deep breath and then snapped his fingers, Alec's body jolting as his clothing was changed in an instant. He watched Alec glance down at himself knowing why Magnus had done it as well. There was no way he was going anywhere in his tattered, dirty and torn shadowhunter gear. Alec also quite liked the feel of the form fitting jeans and simple black button down shirt loosely tucked in. Magnus had also given him a leather jacket too which felt nice and also would keep him warm as well.

The warlock held out his hand to Alec which he took just as Magnus magicked a portal for the both of them.

"Do you need to tell anyone you are about to vanish from America and end up in England, even if only for less than a day at most?" Alec shook his head as right now he just needed to be somewhere else other then here right now. "Don't let go pretty boy." Magnus teased a little and delighted in Alec's firm grip of his hand, taking his words seriously it seemed, and pulled the emotionally wrecked shadowhunter through the portal as they emerged in a rather quiet and slightly hilly area somewhere in England.

The breeze was cool, the sun was hidden behind clouds and the smell of rain was in the air. Magnus watched Alec close his eyes for a moment and take in a deep breath.

"Are you ready?" Magnus softly voiced as Alec gave him a nod of the head and quietly followed Magnus as they walked through a rather beautiful cemetery, moving past thousands of headstones and crypts in utter silence.

They'd been walking for less then ten minutes when Alec heard Magnus suck in a breath of air, could feel sadness sweep over the warlock when they stopped in front of a rather large headstone. The shadowhunter felt an eyebrow arch as he calmly watched, hands folded behind his back, as Magnus shifted closer to the headstone and then leant towards it and pressed his lips against the cold stone. He continued to watch on as Magnus pulled a white rose from the bunch of flowers he'd conjured up as soon as they hit the entrance of the cemetery and placed it at the gravestone.

Alec only had a second or two to capture the name 'Will Herondale' before they headed further on their way. And as intrigued as Alec was in regards to Magnus' display of affection for one of his parabatai's fallen ancestors, having read the name in really old shadowhunter history books and also knowing there was a grave back in Idris as well, this of course was hardly the time to question the warlock about it.

It wasn't long before they reached their destination, Alec knowing this immediately as Magnus had unconsciously gripped his forearm for a moment, a shuddering breath escaping his lips once more. Alec felt his heart give for the emotional warlock, since Magnus wasn't really one to show a lot of emotion and observed quietly as Magnus crouched down and placed the bunch of flowers at his fallen warlock's grave, and again, like before, he pressed his lips to the cold stone.

When Magnus drew back, but never rose to his feet, Alec's gaze fell onto the inscription:

'_Ragnor Fell – my dearest and oldest friend. You can no longer hold Peru over me. May you be blessed in the next life my dear sweet cabbage.'_

Alec had no idea what was up with Peru or the cabbage comment, but it all seemed to be very meaningful to Magnus so he did what he knew he could, and that was stand just behind the High Warlock, hands behind his back, like the head strong and supportive soldier he was. He could be a support pillar if Magnus needed him.

"I've lost my oldest and dearest friend." Magnus' voice was barely a whisper and it is then that Alec adjusts in an instant, no longer the supportive soldier, but a caring (though still quite new) boyfriend as he crouches at Magnus' side, one arm around the warlock as he silently grieves for the fallen Ragnor Fell and pressed his lips to Magnus' hair.

"I know its very late in saying this, because I'm sure no one else has said this to you, but I'm truly, deeply, sorry for your loss Magnus." And Magnus can feel that truth in every pore of Alec's and with a slight sniffle, he gets himself under control and lifts his hand to rest it against Alec's cheek, thumb brushing over his pale skin and then tilted his head and landed a sweet and gentle kiss on Alec's lips.

Magnus felt Alec jolt at the public display of affection, but he didn't bulk at it and returned the kiss softly back. The warlock finally drew away and brought his dear sweet shadowhunter to his feet, along with himself, and then dropped another peck to Alec's pinkish cheek for his sweetness, curling an arm around his waist to give him a light squeeze, not wishing to ever let go.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Magnus softly whispered to no one in particular but Alec had heard his words anyway.

"I think that about you too." Magnus let a small grin reach his lips at Alec's truthfulness and a tiny laugh bubbled into his throat.

It isn't long before Alec instantly feels the change in Magnus' demeanour, his own hairs on the back of his neck standing on end for unknown reasons as he didn't think they were in any danger, but something was around them right now, his shifty blue eyes watching as Magnus drew away from him for a moment.

It was in that moment Alec realised how much he hated not having Magnus close.

"Hello my old friend. I didn't realise you were here too."

"Magnus?" Alec is a little (or a lot) concerned as his warlock boyfriend is suddenly gazing off into the distance, eyes seemingly a little glazed over in a sense. Then there is the simple fact that Magnus appeared to be having a one sided conversation too!

"I'll try my dear friend. With everything I have, I'll do my best not to mess this up." Magnus explained to no one that Alec could see, watching as his warlock gave a little smile and a tiny chuckle. "You still give the best advice." Magnus turned his gaze to a rather worried looking Alec, shuffling from foot to foot at not knowing what was going on and whether it were a threat or not. "Ragnor is here." Magnus softly confessed and watched Alec arch an eyebrow. Since magic was not his forte, Alec had no other choice but to believe Magnus, though in truth, he never even thought the warlock would lie to him. He may spin some truths here and there, to save his feelings (or Magnus' own) but never would Magnus blatantly lie to him to hurt him.

"Is he... Is he in pain?" Magnus tilted his head at his dear sweet boyfriend before flicking his eyes back to where they had been.

"Not anymore." Magnus softly voiced before drifting his gaze back to Alec. "At my highest and lowest moments, Ragnor has always been there for me. He actually gave me the best advice in the world." The shadowhunter tilted his head adorably. "He helped convince me to storm the Institute and try and stop your wedding." Magnus watched Alec flush at the memory of them locking lips together in front of everyone there. "In a sense, so I always know I'm never alone, Ragnor is always at my side."

"I hope not...always?" Alec softly voiced, giving a tiny grin, that spark that Magnus loved glinting in his blue eyes, even if they hadn't ventured that far in their relationship just yet. He'd gotten his shadowhunter to at least sleep beside him in his bed, since the couch was far too uncomfortable for his tall frame, but no they hadn't become that intimate yet. It was only a matter of time and Magnus was happy to wait until Alec was ready for the next step.

"Oh!" Magnus was a little slow, but finally he caught on instantly and let off a chuckle. "Definitely not always." Magnus bent down, pulling one of the pure white roses from the bouquet, pressing his lips to the petals as his magic turned it deep passionate red and handed it wordlessly off to Alec who took it without a word, an adorable tiny grin on his lips and maybe just a hint of a blush on his cheeks too. "I think you and Ragnor would have been great friends."

"Me too." Magnus raised an eyebrow questioningly at Alec's instant reply.

"We both really care about a certain High Warlock, who we'd do anything and everything to protect. So of course we'd be friends." Alec was never one to voice his feelings out there like that, but Magnus deserved to know. He watched him bow his head, a sweet gentle smile on his lips as Alec watched him point his thumb at him whilst his gaze shifted up and elsewhere once more.

"Did you hear that my dear sweet cabbage?" Alec felt his breath catch as Magnus' glamour dropped as he stared right over at him, his grin widening on his lips and cat eyes glowing. Alec had never seen such beautiful eyes before. He was practically paralysed at their intensity. "I'm definitely going to be alright with my protective shadowhunter here." A blush hit Alec's cheeks instantly. Especially when the 'my' bit registered in his head. "I'll do everything in my power to protect him too." Alec felt a little tingly all over when a strong wind ruffled through the trees and then Alec suddenly felt a warmth push directly through him, his hands lifting instantly to rest against his heart.

"Oh!" Magnus' golden cat eyes gazed over at him rather intrigued at his sudden gasp.

"Ragnor... He just left...didn't he?"

"How did you..."

"His spirit...I guess...passed through me, like he was thanking me or something."

"That's my dear sweet cabbage." Magnus took a step closer to Alec, peering down and into those mesmerising blue orbs, curling an arm around the young man and drawing him closer to his body. "You truly are something else Alexander Lightwood."

"What do you mean?" His question was but a whisper as Alec couldn't help but shift his gaze to Magnus' plump lips. He really wanted to kiss the man.

Magnus himself couldn't help but grin once more, fingers on his unoccupied hand lifting to brush them gently down his shadowhunters cheek. "My picky cat has fallen for you and now my prickly and stubborn friend seems to have as well. You have bewitched us all, my dear nephilim." Alec couldn't help but grin at Magnus' confession to him, the smile lighting up his eyes instantly and of course that drew them together, lips brushing in a soft gentle kiss once more.

"Interesting nickname you have there for him." Alec mumbled when they finally broke apart. Magnus shrugged as he took hold of Alec's free hand, whilst his other still held the red rose in his fingers.

"There is a lovely seaside café that Ragnor and I used to frequent when I would holiday here." Magnus paused at the arched eyebrow look Alec was currently giving him. "Alright, when I used to get bored and I would come _pester_ him if you want to get technical." Magnus gave a pout as Alec tried not to laugh. "You and he _definitely _would have gotten along."

"I'd like to think so too." Alec mumbled as he quickly became bolder and kissed Magnus' cheek, hoping to bring the warlock out of his pout, but at least he was pleased that his melancholy mood had lifted, and maybe, in some weird way, being here had also lifted his own too. "So, about that café, want to get something to eat? I'm starving."

"Sounds like a great idea Alexander."

"And maybe, if you want, you know, if you are ready, I'd love to hear some stories about you and Ragnor and what you got up to."

"Are you sure? Some could be quite...salacious?"

"Oh, well, in that case, how about we start with Peru?"

"Who says that Peru won't be? It is the country I'm banned from after all." Alec cracked up laughing, Magnus delighting in it. He felt giddy when Alec squeezed his hand and then brought it to his lips to press a kiss to his palm. Of course Magnus knew his shadowhunter was trying to cheer him up. It was rather sweet considering what he'd just been through himself.

Magnus squeezed his hand in return and directed he and Alec out of the cemetery.

He knew Alec was trying to keep his mind off of the demon that had possessed him and in turn killing Jocelyn with his own hands. They would eventually have to deal with it, but for now, he would regal Alec with stories from days, even centuries, past as they awaited their taxi to take them to one of his favourite seaside cafe's.

As Magnus spoke about a particular memory, laughter filling his eyes, neither warlock or shadowhunter were aware that a ghostly silhouette of a certain High Warlock of London was grinning as he watched the odd, but so very right, couple waiting for public transport like a couple of mundanes, the pretty glow of the sunset shifting over their dark clothing and handsome features.

Ragnor had only ever wanted his dear Magnus to be happy and finally, finally after all these centuries together, he seemed to have found it. Ragnor was sure, beyond anything in his long life, which sadly had now ended, that those two would last.

#

(Several hours later – back in New York)

Magnus dragged a drunk Alec back through the portal, he not a silly warlock to know the shadowhunter was trying to drink to forget. He had told him to slow down, but softly voiced words of 'the mourning ceremony will be tomorrow' was understanding enough for Magnus and he'd let Alec have this night of getting hammered and then after the funeral he would make him talk.

The High Warlock shooed Chairman off the bed for a moment and carefully laid Alec down, pulling his boots from his feet and then snapped his fingers as he adjusted Alec's attire to simple black cotton pants and a tank. He seemed to shiver in his drunken slumber so Magnus tucked the blankets over his cured up form before watching his adorable feline companion cautiously move over to Alec and curl up on his pillow, pretty much sleeping on Alec's head and purring up a storm.

Magnus thought it best to now send word to Jace that his brother and parabatai was with him and then decided to head back into his study for a couple of hours and work on some potions. He wasn't ready to sleep just yet, still a little wired at having visited Ragnor's grave and also regaling Alec with hearty stories of a time when Alec or his parents, and possibly even his grandparents were not even in existence in the world.

#

(The next morning...)

Alec groaned awake, feeling the raging headache pounding behind his eyelids which he dare not open just yet.

"Self inflicted hangovers do not receive any sympathy." Alec groaned at Magnus' melodious voice which had a hint of teasing in it. Magnus being mean to him never lasted for long as Alec sighed in relief when his warlock boyfriend snapped his fingers and his comforting magic shifted over his body and eased all the damage he did to himself last night.

"You should of stopped me." Alec finally blinked open his blurry eyes and rubbed the sleep from them.

"It was a little comical." Magnus gave a slight grin as Alec's gaze narrowed. His boyfriend was curled on his side, gazing up and over at him as he was now only dressed in his plain grey boxer briefs under the covers.

Magnus wasn't about to let the shadowhunter in on how the early hours of the morning panned out with Magnus finally finishing off some potions and changed into his silk pyjama bottoms and found Alec awake and looking at him. Magnus got into bed, Alec demanding him to, and then gave his lovely and very drunk shadowhunter a lingering kiss, his pretty boy letting off a tiny whine as he was trying to chase his lips and being all 'grab-by hands' too. It was truly adorable. Then there was the fact that things did become a little heated and Alec had lost his clothing, but Magnus quickly regained his own willpower, as hard as it was, and magicked his darling boyfriend back to slumber. As he had mentioned to Alec, it was indeed quite comical, but also very endearing and hot and something he would not forget for a very long time.

Dropping his grin, Magnus finally turned serious. "I allowed you one night Alexander." The shadowhunter lifted his gaze to Magnus once more, watching the warlock get up from his bed and place a silk robe over his golden-bronze skin. "Today you pay your respects. Today you be there for your friends and family and afterwards, you come to me alright?"

"Al-Alright..." Alec had never heard Magnus sound so commanding before. Was it a terrible thing to think about how turned on it made him feel?

"Now, do you feel like you could handle some breakfast? Or would you prefer a portal back to the Institute?" Alec was relieved for the lighter tone in Magnus' voice, and that tiny smile on his hypnotising lips, but quickly shifted his gaze from them and picked up his phone to check the time. A strangled sound caught at the back of his throat as he threw the blankets off.

"Portal please." Alec jumped out of Magnus' bed and rushed for the bathroom.

He showered in record time, Magnus had supplied him with clean shadowhunter gear and Alec knew he was definitely fidgety when the portal formed in Magnus' living area.

"Magnus..."

"I'll be here, whenever you need me shadowhunter." Alec gave a jerked nod, quickly leaning up and pressing his lips to Magnus', since initiating for him, was still all very new, but oh so thrilling too, and then through the portal he went.

#

(Several Hours later...)

What Alec wouldn't give to be anywhere but where he currently was right now, looking at himself in the mirror as he was dressed in his mourning outfit.

He'd made it back to the Institute ages ago, thanks to Magnus' portal and he had only run into a very quiet Izzy. They had exchanged a hug, since he was extremely happy that she indeed was alright, and recuperating well, but he was glad she thought it best not to make any comment on where he'd been or today's events for that matter.

Alec blinked at the stark whiteness of his outfit, it probably making him look paler then usual. Or was that possibly grey? His complexion at the moment wasn't the greatest that's for sure.

When Izzy and he parted ways, it didn't take long for Jace to come look for him. His brother and parabatai had given him a hug. A hug which he couldn't return. Alec just couldn't face him right now and closed himself off, either locking himself in the office or his quarters. After all, what the hell could he say when he'd done what he'd done? He'd killed Clary's mother... Jace's mother...

About an hour earlier, as he sat in his office, Izzy had tried to 'reach him' once more and brought him a light snack. She even told him she hadn't been the one to prepare it, hoping to get at least a smirk from her big brother, but her tiny joke at making fun of her own cooking abilities hadn't worked. Alec had thanked her for the offering and asked her to leave. She did so with a frown on her lips. He never even touched the sandwich. Not even the tea was settling well with his stomach so Alec had forgone anything lest he make a mess of his white outfit.

A chime on Alec's phone had signalled it was time to make his way towards the ceremony room and with a heck of a lot of effort, Alec headed his way there.

#

(An hour later...)

To think an hour had passed and it was all a bit of a blur to Alec right now. He was trying desperately to keep it together at the funeral.

Of course he'd been to plenty over the years, but when it was Jocelyn's body under that white sheet, it was very hard for him to keep his face neutral. Especially when it came time for fallen shadowhunters names to be voiced. Clary was trying to contain her own emotions, but also trying to state her mother's name but she just couldn't do it. Alec watched on as Clary broke down, crying out for her mother, arms reaching out towards the deceased woman and she nearly collapsed then and there. She was saved by Jace who held her up and against his own body. It is he who said Jocelyn's name and the young redhead clutched at his parabatai and bawled her eyes out.

Alec continued to rapidly blink his eyes, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as for a split second he too wanted to do exactly what Clary was doing. Not clutching at Jace, but actually wanting to open up the dam walls and just cry. To let out all his pent up emotions and anguish and everything that he'd been keeping close to his chest. Just listening to Clary's gut wrenching cries made his stomach churn and Alec continuously gulped down the lumps which formed in his throat, willing the tears to stay at bay and not break through.

He also hoped and prayed to his angel that what little stomach contents he had left didn't end up coming up. After all, how would it look for the current Head of the Institute to be crying in front of his fellow shadowhunters and other dignitaries, and also vomiting for that matter too.

Pathetic, that is what.

That very notion is what catches Alec's resolve and he straightens his back, a stone cold expression marring his features. Well, for all of several seconds as his hands fist at his sides as he continued to stand beside Izzy in his mourning outfit.

In truth, Alec isn't sure how he's holding it together, but somehow he does, even though the god awful thoughts are already plaguing his mind as he listens to Clary's continuous sobbing. He has Jocelyn's blood on his hands. Granted he was possessed, but still. Just how the hell can he ask for forgiveness on this matter? And more so, how the hell can he ever forgive himself?

Alec felt Izzy's smaller, softer hand, ghost over his right fisted one, like she is about to take hold of it, but as the ceremony finally comes to a close, hail and farewell, he can no longer do this anymore.

It is then Alec's crystal blue eyes capture Clary's puffy emerald orbs and he takes a step back, swiftly turning away, making his way down the aisle and knowing eyes are on him (judgemental or not) and with quick strides he moves out of the room. He cannot be here anymore. He just can't!

Once he is free from the mourning ceremony, free from the room which has many shadowhunters, silent brothers and Clave officials, Alec bolts for the exit, the Institute doors banging open and he gasps for much needed air, practically hyperventilating and dry retching as though he's about to spill his guts on the concrete steps.

How is he ever going to look at Clary and Jace again?

"Alec..." That soft sensual voice, that oh so familiar voice of the one who was making him feel so many things he'd never felt before caressed his ears, but Alec remained where he was, slightly hunched over and drawing in deep ragged breaths as he believed he was hallucinating. "Alexander..." The shadowhunter snapped his head up, eyes dewy and wet with a magnitude of emotions and there, down the steps was the very one who always, always made him feel better.

Alec always felt calm and safe in this man's presence. Every time he saw him it was like he was coming home. And if Alec were truthful, he'd rather be anywhere in the world then here, as long as that man was with him.

"Magnus..."

The warlock was adorned beautifully in all black clothing, the only hint of colour on him was a silver vest which glittered slightly in the sunlight, much like the tiny specks of glitter which were in his spiked hair. It was almost like Magnus had been attending his own personal mourning service for Jocelyn, but then maybe he had been since its not like he'd been invited into the Institute to attend. Something which Alec frowned upon when Inquisitor Herondale voiced there was to be no outsiders, blatantly staring at him when she had said it. To Alec, Magnus was no outsider. After all, he had known Jocelyn for years, ever since Clary was a little girl. Maybe even before that since Jocelyn was tied to Valentine and Luke and the whole Circle fiasco which his very own parents had been involved in too.

Before Alec could even make sense of anything, his body moved on its own as his legs bolted down the stairs and he was within Magnus' warm and comforting embrace in seconds.

"Oh Alec..." Magnus mumbled softly, arms securely locking him in place.

When Alec felt Magnus' arms secure around his waist and at the back of his head, brushing dainty and oh so strong and dependable fingers through his messy black hair, he lost it completely. He felt his first sob break from his lips, so desperate he'd been to keep everything bottled up inside and yet as soon as he saw Magnus, this wonderful and caring warlock who for some reason liked him, an inexperienced (in relationships) shadowhunter of all people, Alec felt the dam walls crack.

"I let a demon in..."

"That is not your fault Alexander."

"I didn't mean..." Alec choked out, completely missing Magnus soothing words. "It wasn't me Magnus... Its wasn't me...wasn't me...it wasn't..." Alec was having a very hard time in getting his words out and instead repeated himself over and over again. "I'd never...never..." Magnus' grip tightened. He knew exactly what the distraught shadowhunter was trying to say.

"Of course not Alexander. I know you and that wasn't you at all. You would never want to cause harm to those you care about, even if it is Clary whom you do not know very well, but still, you wouldn't do that. That is not who you are." Magnus felt Alec's tears brush against his neck and his heart grieved for his dear sweet shadowhunter who only ever wanted to protect. To do good in this world. "Please believe me and hear my words Alexander. None of this is your fault."

"How will I ever face them?"

"You just will Alexander. You are one of the strongest people I know. You'll move mountains to make things right. All you need is to give yourself a little time. Time to accept this unfortunate event for what it is, a tragic accident which you didn't have control of. Once you accept it was beyond your control, you will begin to forgive yourself for things that you couldn't have foreseen."

"Magnus..."

"And I'll be here, every step of the way for you. I will help you in any way I can." Alec nodded his head, knowing this was the only person in the world he could bare all his insecurities and feelings to without receiving some form of judgement and finally let the remainder of his dam walls crumble, sob after painful sob ripping through him, whilst clutching at Magnus for dear life. "That's it, my darling, let it out. I'm here for you." Magnus murmured endearments and soothing words to a wrecked Alec, securing his hold even tighter on the Head of the New York Institute.

Their moment together was interrupted when the church doors burst open and then slammed closed seconds later. Magnus felt Alec stiffen in an instant, though his grip did not loosen. Alec for his part sank his teeth into his bottom lip, stopping his tormented cries instantly.

The centuries old warlock immediately knew Alec was using him for cover, a shield if you would, so no one could see his red tear stained face. Magnus had known grief and loss a thousand times over and for most of his life he never had a soul to comfort him. Well, from today onwards, he hoped he would be that person for Alexander as he would never begrudge the young man for acting on instinct when he'd probably never shown such a side to his siblings or friends before and held the young man tighter, even if his gaze fell upon the person atop the concrete steps.

"Biscuit..." Magnus couldn't help but murmur, Alec immediately knowing that was Magnus' nickname for Clary.

To think, of all people, she had come to look for him. Or maybe everyone was looking for him and she was just the unlucky one to find him first. And now she was observing the scene right in front of her eyes as Alec was wrapped within Magnus protective embrace.

"Please... Magnus... I can't..." Alec mumbled brokenly into his ear. "Take me home..." Alec flushed at his jumbled words. "I mean..." His emotions were all out of whack, is what he decided to blame his slip up on. "Please take me to your place. I can't...I can't face her...or Jace."

"Alright..." Magnus gave a fleeting and forlorn look at the puffy eyed Clary before magicking a portal. Just as he was stepping backwards through it, he noticed Jace and Izzy now at Clary's side, all holding hands and all three watching him disappear with Alec and the pain was clearly evident within their gazes. The pain evident on their faces for their distraught brother, friend and leader who didn't want to show them such a weakness.

What Magnus did take note of was not a single pair of eyes that had been watching he and Alec disappear housed any blame within them.

#

(Three days later...)

Alec remained cooped up in Magnus loft. Pretty much barely leaving his bed, which Magnus was worried about. He'd received messages from Jace, Izzy and even Clary at he and Alec's disappearance and the fact the shadowhunter wasn't answering his phone. Sometime after his first day here, Alec had indeed turned the infernal contraption off as it buzzed hour after hour and shoved it into the bedside draw on his side of the bed he'd taken up residence in.

Magnus had been around for centuries but even he wasn't sure what more he could do for Alec. He'd stayed by his side, allowed him to roam his apartment, but Alec stuck to the confines of his bedroom, not for a moment opening the blinds and thick curtains to let in some light.

The first day was fine, Magnus could understand it, but as it was now turning into several days, Magnus had to end up forcing Alec to eat and helped the far too quiet shadowhunter bathe and dress into new clothes he provided too.

Truthfully, he thought Alec would have been embarrassed about him seeing him naked, which there was a slight flush on his pale cheeks, but turns out, Alec was mostly lost in thoughts. It wasn't until after he was back in his bed, with fresh sheets and in slacks and a long sleeved shirt that the very thought of Magnus seeing him naked crept into his head, making his blush darken. The look was adorable to Magnus and he saved it for later, and the image of his naked shadowhunter for that matter too, when his sweet boyfriend was better in order to tease him with.

Magnus had been in all sorts of relationships, but this one was still very new and as he had previously proclaimed to Alec, he would do anything to help him, but even now Magnus was at a bit of a loss as to what he could offer the young shadowhunter.

The Head of the New York Institute was a shell of the man he once was and Magnus hated it and was gripped with intense worry.

So much so he stepped away when Alec was sleeping and went to Catarina and questioned her on what he could do for his young boyfriend. She'd interacted with enough mundanes and had given him several websites to look through which just sent Magnus' head spiralling even more. He was not about to force therapy on the shadowhunter and nor was he about to have him admitted to some mundane mental hospital either. Grief was grief and depression was depression and Alec was caught in between them, more along the grief/guilt side then a depression, or so Magnus assumed, and decided he would not stand for it any longer.

Instead, he hoped the one person that he had coming over, would be the distraction Alec needed to get him up and about once more.

Magnus tapped on the frame of his bedroom door to rouse Alec from his dark thoughts, watching the shadowhunter jolt as he rolled onto his back, sitting up in bed, dressed in grey slacks and a simple white tank. His hair was a mess, he'd not shaved in a couple of days and his eyes were a little red too. He would deny crying, but Magnus had ears.

"Alexander, you've a guest." Magnus watched the way he gripped his canary yellow sheets, that an indication of how scared he was to face those he loved. Magnus shifted his gaze behind him, waving for his guest to step into the room. "Come on Sweet Pea, can you help me make Alexander feel better?" From the corner of his eye he watched Alec's sudden tense shoulders loosen as his pretty blue eyes shifted to the youngster who poked her head into the bedroom.

"Alec!"

"Madzie..." Alec mumbled softly as the adorable little sorceress dashed over to the bed, launching herself into the shadowhunter, who still had quick reflexes even if he'd not trained in what felt like ages as he cuddled the young warlock close to his chest.

"Alec, you stink!" Magnus couldn't help the chuckle as Alec pouted before pushing Madzie away from him, mumbling his apology as he finally pulled the covers away and on weak legs, hoisted himself up and headed for the bathroom to take a nice long, and much needed, shower.

Madzie hopped off the bed and trotted back over to Magnus who lifted her up to rest against his hip. "You'll help me cheer him up, won't you Sweet Pea?"

"Yes!" She beamed a lovely smile as Magnus snapped his fingers, sheets and comforter changing to a lovely cobalt blue and silky black sheet set.

"Should we start by making Alexander some pancakes?"

"I love pancakes."

"So does he." Magnus snapped his fingers a final time, glancing at the rather boring clothing on offer for the shadowhunter. All black of course (underwear included) as it were another pair of sweatpants, tank and a baggy sweater this time. Comfort clothing for his upset shadowhunter.

#

Half an hour later, Magnus shifted his gaze to the left as Alec finally emerged from his shower, and his bedroom for that matter and he dressed in the offered clothes, the baggy sweater falling off one shoulder rather appealingly. And how endearing it was that he awkwardly shuffled on the spot, unsure what to say or do right now.

"Look Alec, Magnus and I made you pancakes!" Madzie cheered happily, hopping off the stool she used in Magnus' place and linked her hand with Alec's, pulling him towards the dining table so he could look over their handiwork. Whilst most of the pancakes were the customary round shape, both Madzie and Magnus had magicked some into cat faces.

"It looks lovely." Alec softly voiced, throat a little scratchy as he'd not used his voice in a couple of days. He shifted his gaze to the single red rose sitting in a vase in the middle of the dining table. It should of died awhile ago, since it was the one Magnus had given him back in England, but there was a slight glow to it, which Alec took to mean Magnus had enchanted it with his magic. The rose sat there glowing... Eternal passion... Eternal love... It made Alec gulp down the lump that formed in his throat at his own thoughts and quickly he shifted his gaze to the dashing warlock who was coming out of his kitchen, dressed in black skinny jeans and a red long sleeved shirt.

"Madzie mixed the batter and also helped cut up the strawberries." Magnus offered up as he bent down and pressed a kiss to Madzie's frizzy hair. "She also helped magic up the cat ones with me." The warlock placed the last of the pancakes onto the serving plate and then placed down a bowl of ice cream, some sugar, lemons and even a jar of honey. "Catarina had to go to a conference so Madzie will be staying here."

"I see..." Alec helped Madzie with placing a hefty pile of pancakes on her plate.

"With Cat at the conference, and my day being quite full as I've to head out of town for a few hours on business, I was hoping for your help."

"You want me to look after Madzie?"

"If that is alright. Its not appropriate for her to come with me to clients homes, but I shouldn't be too long, so..."

"Well, I guess I can help out. I'm not doing much else..." Magnus' heart gave a tug as Alec's eyes dropped to the plate of pancakes in front of him.

"Sweet Pea, you and Alexander will be on your own for a bit, will you be alright with that?"

"Yes!" Madzie chirped happily as she popped a strawberry into her mouth. "I love Alec!" Magnus watched his shadowhunter melt at Madzie's innocent confession.

"Excellent." Magnus clapped his hands, magic shifting over his attire to adjust it to something more business like as he dressed in a deep navy suit with a cobalt blue silk shirt and silver cravat. Magnus did up the buttons on his jacket as Alec helped Madzie scoop ice cream onto her pancakes. "I'll leave you both to it."

"You aren't eating anything of what you cooked?" Alec asked quietly, Magnus secretly pleased as this was the first time Alec was talking to him, with it being more then a simple 'yes' or 'no' response, in the past few days. Though his voice was rough from not being used, Magnus had missed it terribly.

"Duty calls my dear shadowhunter." Magnus slowly bent down, to give Alec time to turn his head away, but he felt his heartbeat quicken, and hope spark within him, when instead of shying away Alec tilted his head up instead and accepted his lips against his own rather sweetly. The kiss was nothing extravagant, they did have an audience after all, but Magnus quite liked it when Alec's right hand had come up to rest against his neck, thumb brushing against his jawline.

The two of them hadn't kissed in days and that was pure torture for Magnus so whatever Alec would give him, he would take with a dashing smile on his lips as Alec's reward.

Magnus drew softly away, melting at the adorable little sigh that burst from Alec's lips before his eyes fluttered open to lock with his mesmerising brown orbs. Magnus couldn't help but brush his thumbs over Alec's lightly pink cheeks and then leaned forward again, only this time pressing his lips against Alec's forehead before withdrawing from the man and then blew his darling Sweet Pea a kiss, she grinning up a storm.

"Take care you two, I hope to be home by dinner!" A portal was conjured and Magnus stepped through, it disappearing once he had gone though it, but Alec still eyed the spot in the living room where Magnus had been seconds before, index finger brushing against his bottom lip, retracing Magnus' addictive lips against his own. His eyes quickly shifted to a giggling Madzie.

"What are you laughing at?"

"That sounded like we were family."

"Family..." Alec repeated softly, cheeks flushing a little as he too was now thinking it. Like Magnus were the head of the household, farewelling the two of them goodbye for his 'day in the office' whilst Alec as the other 'parent' would man the house with their 'daughter'. "Eat your pancakes." Alec tried to get the thoughts out of his head as he gorged himself on tasty pancakes and hoped he wasn't blushing too much.

#

(Catarina Loss' Apartment)

"Everything alright Magnus?"

"Well, I did just lie to Alexander and Madzie."

"Not to hurt either of them." Catarina placed her hand on Magnus' slouched shoulder. "I think your decision to get Alec to take charge once more, even if it is only to babysit Madzie, is a good step moving forward for him."

"You think?"

"Oh how you have changed my dear friend."

"He makes me feel so many things Cat." Magnus sighed out some of his worry. "I want to do everything in my power to help him."

"And I'm sure he feels the same for you." Magnus gave a slight smile as Catarina brushed her hand through his spiky hair rather motherly. "Now, what do you suppose they are doing?"

"Finishing off the pancakes I made."

"When did you say you were returning?"

"This evening."

"Magnus, you should of just said a couple of hours!"

"I wasn't thinking right. I've been so worried about him."

"In that case..." Magnus watched, eyebrow raised as Catarina conjured a portal and swiped up her handbag, a knowing glint in her eyes. "You need to unwind so let's go have a little adventure and we'll bring them back some presents." Before Magnus could even respond he was pulled through the portal by his best friend.

#

(Several hours later...)

Magnus and Cat indeed had quite the adventure, causing some mischief in India and then escaping with bursts of laughter and magic flitting about them. They ate a quick dinner together and shared a few beers in Marrakech since Catarina had a rare day off from the hospital.

"You sure you don't want me to pick her up tonight?" Catarina offered up as Magnus was placing his jacket back on. "I could say the conference ended early as a speaker was ill or something."

"No, its alright. Alexander and Madzie really do enjoy each others company." Magnus watched Catarina give him a narrowed look.

"Just what spell have you conjured to keep an eye on them?" Warm brown eyes did not reach her scrutinising gaze. "Ah!" She proclaimed as her quick fingers pulled at one of his necklaces with a flat circular pendant on it, she gazing into it like it were a mirror as Alec was currently helping Madzie in the bath, though she was causing quite a mess as her magic flicked bubbles all over the place and pretty much soaked Alec to the bone. "He's going to be fine Magnus." She turned the pendant to her friend and watched his eyes soften as Alec was openly laughing, though they couldn't hear it, as Madzie had levitated a bunch of bubbles to rest atop of Alec's messy and soaked black hair. They watched as Madzie waved her arms about and then Alec held out a fluffy towel and scooped the youngster up and into it, Madzie against his hip as he cradled her lovingly close and then headed out and back into the bedroom. "He'd make a wonderful father." Magnus grinned at Catarina's comment as he watched Alec place Madzie down, hands over his eyes rather adorably as he let the youngster dry off and dress into her pyjamas. "As would you my dear friend."

"I've never thought about it."

"Why?"

"You mean aside from the fact we cannot reproduce?" Magnus started collecting his belongings, deciding to give Alec a little bit of privacy by not gazing into his pendant as the man was back in the bathroom, removing his soaked shirt from his body. "And the fact you know who my father is. He is not the greatest role model."

"You are not him Magnus. Plus you've never had someone to think about having a family with before."

"I had others before him."

"The last time you loved, was toxic Magnus. And truthfully, can you really say you truly were in love with Camille, or in lust with her?" Cat boldly voiced, since she knew how sore this particular subject was. "Did you ever think you could have a family with her?" Magnus had no response to that since he hadn't thought about anything like that with Camille. "That' what I thought." Cat voiced back as she picked up the pendant and placed it flat in her palm as she and Magnus looked once more into it. "Could you envision yourself having a family with him?" Magnus glanced down as Alec was fresh from his shower and he and Madzie were now sitting up in bed, eating takeaway and reading to each other.

A silly little grin formed on Magnus' lips, heart thundering in his ribcage at all the images he conjured up at Catarina's question.

"If he wanted... I wouldn't object." Magnus quickly shook his head. "We are a long way from that. So much is going on in his life right now that stuff like that is just...unthinkable."

"If that is too much to think about then start simply by telling him to get off his ass and get back to being the powerful shadowhunter you fell in love with." Magnus shifted his gaze to his dear Catarina's. He never said he was in love but... "You tell him to start keeping the streets safe again, for the mundanes and for us downworlders who just want to live in peace." Cat placed her hand on Magnus' shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "He might not think himself important, but to us, he very much is. Alec might be your boyfriend Magnus, but in truth, he is our shadowhunter, our protector, and the one who is going to change our worlds."

"You really believe that?"

"I do. Actually, I believe both of you will change our worlds. Together."

"Thanks Cat." Magnus gave her a hug and she returned it instantly.

"Any time..." She watched Magnus conjure a portal and then step through it, heading back to his home, back to his rightful place beside a currently emotional shadowhunter who didn't need anything but his warlock at his side to get him through his troubles.

#

(Magnus' loft...)

Magnus placed down his various shopping bags, sent off a message on his phone before pocketing it and then padded quietly towards the bedroom, ready to make his presence known but stopped at the opened doorway as he listened to Madzie's sweet voice.

"Alec, are you sad?"

"A little."

"Why?"

"I hurt someone. Not on purpose, but, I hurt them really bad."

"Was it an accident?"

"At first I thought it wasn't, but I know now it was."

"And that's why you're sad, like Magnus is?"

"Magnus is sad too?"

"Mm, he's sad because you're sad." Madzie offered up, her big dark eyes drifting to look into Alec's pure blue ones. "His magic is sad because you're sad."

"Why is his magic sad?"

"Catarina says Magnus is the most powerful warlock alive."

"She's probably right." Magnus felt himself grin at Alec's honest words.

"She says when Magnus cares a lot, he cares with everything he has. I don't really get it, but all his feelings affect his magic. She says he really, really cares about you and because he's worried about you, his emotions are affecting his magic."

"Really?" Alec's heart began to thunder in his ribcage at Madzie's words.

"Catarina just says that because you hurt, Magnus hurts too."

"Madzie..."

"So don't hurt for too long okay? I want happy Magnus and Alec back."

"I'll try." Alec pressed his lips to Madzie's frizzy hair, pretty much how Magnus had done it earlier this morning.

"Can I show you some of my magic? Maybe that'll help cheer you up!"

"I'd love to see it." Alec watched all the shapes and cute animal silhouettes burst into Magnus' bedroom, decorating the room in a rainbow of colours. "You've gotten a lot better." Alec confessed and then felt his breath stutter as Madzie's magic conjured an image of Magnus himself. Even in this holographic portrayal of Magnus, the warlock was still so breathtaking to look at. "I'm sorry I've made him worry about me."

"That's ok, Magnus loves you so he just wants you to be happy." Magnus watched a blush rush to Alec's cheeks at Madzie's innocent words. Granted Magnus was fast falling for this shadowhunter, had been since the moment he met him, so he couldn't very well correct Alec's favourite little sorceress, but they hadn't talked about it to each other either, so whilst he was certain Alec's heart was racing, Magnus couldn't deny that his was the same.

"Magic is amazing." The shadowhunter softly confessed again, sparkling blue eyes transfixed on images of Magnus that Madzie had conjured up for him, of them together. Alec truly did mean those words too. Every time he was within inches of Magnus, he could feel the pull towards the magical warlock instantly. "Oh!" He exclaimed as Madzie conjured a love heart around the last image of a smiling Magnus. "That's beautiful."

"That's how big Magnus' heart and love is." That stole the breath from Alec. "Its all for you, me, Catarina and all of Magnus' warlocks." Alec watched mesmerised as the large blue and pink glittery heart pulsed massively within the room. "He wants to protect us all."

"That's...really big." Truthfully, Alec was at a loss for words. Since he and Magnus were still new and they hadn't really talked about love and yet here was his little sorceress spilling the beans about just how much Magnus truly cared for him. It was something Alec thought he'd never get to have. And yet, it appeared, a little subtly at the moment, that Magnus was offering it all to him.

"Nothing I cannot handle." The two occupants on the bed jolted, Madzie's last image of Magnus faded away and the large magic heart sparkled one last time and then burst around a smiling Magnus as he was leaning against the door frame looking adoringly at them.

"Magnus!" Madzie scrambled to the end of the bed, leaping off and was caught by the High Warlock as she gave him a cuddle and he eagerly returned it.

"Did you miss me Sweet Pea?"

"We did!" She decided to answer for Alec too.

"I brought home some presents from my travels. Did you want to take a look?"

"Yes!" Magnus placed Madzie on her feet. "Alec, come, come!" Magnus shifted down the hallway and hoped Madzie's pleas for Alec to follow would coax the man from the bedroom once more.

Several long painstaking moments later, Madzie's constant and sweet voice, calling out to Alec, had worked its charm. She was squatting on the floor, peering into a variety of bags and pulling items out to gush over before placing them back inside, squealing adorably at what had been bought specifically for her.

"These are yours Alec." Madzie pointed to two large black and gold glittery bags as she'd seen the shadowhunters name on the open tag attached to the rope-like handles.

Alec crouched down, pulling out some rather old books as well as some intricately carved blades which just needed his special angelic touch to light them up. They were beautiful. From the other bag he pulled some clothing which shockingly was to his liking. A nice pair of jeans, a new black tank and a blue denim shirt. Everything was lovely, but Alec couldn't help but shift his eyes back to the old books, intrigue flashing in his gaze. As he traced his fingers over the spines, he knew they were books filled with old demonic history and possibly even some languages which were no longer used or understood by anyone, other then old warlocks like Magnus.

His boyfriend, in such a short period of time, truly did know his thirst for knowledge and that whenever he was free (which was rare) he'd sink into one of Magnus' comfortable armchairs and have a stack of Magnus' books and scrolls at his side as he began to teach himself the history and languages contained within, every now and then pulling Magnus from his workroom, asking for his help.

Just the memory of him curled in the armchair and Magnus leaning against the armrest, leaning his warm body lightly into his, his melodious voice floating about the loft as he explained some of the symbols to Alec, it sent a tiny smile to Alec's lips. When was the last time they had just done something so simple, but still a tiny bit intimate, like that?

"Why don't you go put on some cartoons?" Magnus broke through his thoughts as he watched Madzie race to his entertainment system to place on the TV just around the corner from the main open plan living area they were standing in.

It wasn't long before Magnus found Alec standing oh so close to him now. That was a little surprising, but he kept cool about it, even if his heart fluttered in his chest at having his boy so close to him once more. Magnus just loved gazing endlessly into Alec's pure blue eyes. He could spend eternity there.

"Hey," Came the adorable mumble.

"Hey to you too." Magnus placed one hand against Alec's hip, drawing him a little bit closer and the other lifted up to cup his cheek, delighting in his sweet boyfriend leaning his face into his gentle touch, those blue eyes closing for a moment as Alec shifted his head slightly, to press his lips into the palm of Magnus' hand. The warlock was incredibly pleased at the innocent touch before dropping his hand to rest at his side, though feeling his heart flutter again when Alec had linked their fingers together, possibly not liking the idea of their sweet touch ending just yet.

"I'm sorry Magnus." Alec softly confessed. "I'm sorry I've been..."

"A shadow of yourself?"

"Well..." It was almost like his shadowhunter was about to go on the defensive but Magnus placed his index finger against pink plump lips.

"Its alright Alexander. Dealing with a loss can be a very traumatic experience. I should know, I've been through my fair share over the centuries." Magnus gave a tiny smile when Alec lifted his hand and placed it against the side of his neck, once more his thumb dragged languidly across his jawline. "Just know, no matter how you feel or how jumbled your thoughts and emotions are, I'm always going to be here for you. Do you understand?" Magnus loved the adorable bite Alec did to his lower lip as he gave him a gentle nod of the head.

His strong and powerful shadowhunter was now shy and cute, completely unsure what to say and do right now. Magnus loved how he could turn this strong willed and stubborn shadowhunter into a shy fumbling and equally adorable boyfriend. Every trait that burst from this young man, Magnus found all of it so very endearing and enticing. Magnus was entranced by everything that was Alexander Lightwood and he wouldn't have him any other way. Magnus never wanted the feelings burning within him to disappear.

The warlock was even more delighted when Alec took a step even closer, drawing his lips to his own, Magnus feeling his own eyes flutter closed as he basked in the feel of Alec's lips against his. The tender kiss was over far too soon, but he'd take whatever was given to him and gave Alec a lovely smile. "Just remember, I will support you through everything."

"Yeah?"

"Actually, not just me or Madzie or even Catarina, but some very special people in your life too." There was a sudden knock at the front door, Magnus knowing exactly who was on the other side since he had messaged them before. "Are you ready?" Magnus knew he was making Alec face his fears head on, possibly a little unfairly at this sudden ambush, but he believed, just like Catarina, that it was time now. Alec needed this push. He needed to return to being the man they both knew, adored and admired in their own ways.

"I..." Alec gulped down the lump in his throat before giving a nod. "I am. Whatever happens, even if its as bad as what my worst fears conjure up when I'm trying to sleep, I will face it head on." A glimpse of the powerful shadowhunter was there, delighting Magnus as he couldn't help but flash the shadowhunter his warlock marker for a moment.

"Now that, right there, is my shadowhunter." Magnus never gave Alec a chance to respond to the heated lip-lock he gave him, eyes blazing and of course he relished in Alec's quick intake of air and the way his hands gripped the material of his outfit at his hips and the blush on his cheeks.

Magnus' glamour was back in place and he quickly snapped his fingers, one to adjust Alec's clothing to a pair of black jeans and an olive green shirt, making him a little more presentable to those behind the door and the other snap was to open said door to where three very eager and worried shadowhunters stood, just as he took a couple steps back from Alec lest he launch himself at the lightly flushed shadowhunter in front of those that he cared about and possibly embarrass him even more. It was awfully tempting, but Magnus' willpower prevailed.

"Um, hi..." Alec gave a lame wave as he really didn't know what to say as his heart was beating so damn fast in his chest. His blue eyes shifted hesitantly to a pair of emerald green ones looking quietly up and over at him. "Clary...I...I'm really... I know we never got off on the right foot or anything, but I would never..." Even though Alec said he would face it all head on, that didn't mean he wasn't going to have issues with expressing his deepest and sincerest apologies to the redhead. If he was having this much trouble with her, how the heck was he going to say something to Jace?

Alec never did get any further as Clary strode towards him, hands suddenly wrapping around his waist as she held on tight, burying her face into his broad chest. The Head of the Institute was extremely shocked as he stood frozen for a moment before he lifted his arms and wrapped them around the newest shadowhunter into his little group. Clary was tiny, small then Izzy, and he engulfed her within his embrace, bending his head as he rested it atop her fiery red hair, squeezing her tight.

"I'm so sorry... So, so very sorry Clary."

Magnus felt a smile touch his lips as he lifted Madzie to rest against his hip as she had lost interest in the TV and came to see what all the commotion was about. Whilst he held Madzie against his right hip, Magnus' left arm wrapped around Izzy's shoulders as she had come to stand next to him to allow her big brother and Clary this moment together. Her teary brown orbs glanced up at the warlocks smiling face as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and then gave a nod to Jace who came to stand beside Izzy, the experienced shadowhunters hand giving his a light squeeze before their gazes moved back to the hugging duo.

They all knew this was the beginning of acceptance of what happened and what they couldn't control and the forgiveness that came about it too.

"I'm so sorry..." Alec mumbled aloud again, this time not just to Clary but to all parties in the room, his watery blue orbs flickering over to Izzy and Jace. He knew how much they were worrying about him in regards to his reclusive behaviour and the fact he had not once in the past few days returned their calls or messages.

"We'll get through this." Isabelle mumbled as she broke from Magnus and her and Jace headed on over, wrapping their brother and friend up in their arms, the party of four clinging to each other.

"We promise you both." Jace mumbled into Clary's hair as he pressed a kiss to it.

"We'll get through this because we're a family." Izzy confessed again, receiving nods of the head from the three that she was clutching and the ones that were clutching her right back.

"What about us?" Magnus couldn't help the light chuckle as his dear Sweet Pea ruined the moment between the best shadowhunter team he'd ever laid eyes on. "Are we family too?" There was light chuckling from the four as Magnus pressed his lips into Madzie's frizzy hair before his eyes locked onto sparkling blue ones once more.

"Of course my family includes my favourite little sorceress." Madzie jumped down from Magnus' arms and dashed to Alec, giggling up a storm a he lifted her up into the air and then gave her a tight squeeze and kissing her cheek. "My little sorceress always makes me feel better."

"Really?" Madzie beamed him a smile of delight.

"Absolutely."

"Without you and my absolute favourite High Warlock, I just wouldn't be me." Alec felt his heart thump in his chest when the tiniest of smiles graced Magnus' lips, but then what captivated him even more was again the flash of his beautiful golden cat eyes, just for him, as his siblings weren't looking at Magnus and instead were gazing up at his flushed face as technically he hadn't truly come clean to Magnus about just how he made him feel and yet in front of his family, his team, he was being more honest then ever before.

"Well, lucky for you, we aren't going anywhere." Magnus softly confessed as he made his way over, stepping into the middle of the circle of friends and family as he wrapped an arm around Alec's waist and grinned at his shadowhunter, which of course he delighted in the tiny flush darkening on Alec's cheeks as he pulled him impossibly closer, lips pecking his for but a moment.

"Shut up Izzy..." Alec mumbled as he saw the look on her face and ducked his head to breath in his all powerful warlocks calming scent, lips shifting into a smile when Magnus held him tighter, along with Madzie before his laughter echoed through his home as they were once again engulfed in hugs from Jace, Izzy and Clary.

It would take time, but Magnus had all the time in the world to help those around him recover and move on.

#

End.


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